4.5 weeks

Guys, in 4.5 weeks I will be a married woman!

When we last left off (see what I did there), I had gotten my dress but that was about it. The last few months have been spent crazily and painstakingly throwing together a wedding for early May. I say "throwing it together" because that's literally what its been. I've never been one of those people who envisioned her wedding since she was a little girl, so instead of worrying about every tiny detail, I've been making decisions on a whim and just rolling with them. And I've had a lot of help from our families doing little things to pull it all together. This is going to be more "big weekend party" and less "traditional wedding", and I'm super excited for that. 

I still can't believe its so close though. At this point I'm more worried about just pulling it off. The logistics are tough (and even harder when you already have a toddler - and when everyone is coming in from out of town!), and a tiny piece of me just wants it to be over. I hate being the center of attention, and wedding planning is definitely hella stressful... and it even seems a little unnecessary considering we already have a child and have lived together, sharing everything, for years. BUT then I remember I only get to do this once. I'm excited to see B at the other end of the aisle and make that commitment by law and by God to each other. To finally share the same last name as him and my daughter. Oh, and to wear my dress for a whole day cuz lemme tell ya - it's pretty gorg!

The other saving grace is that its going to be pretty small. We didnt invite very many people to begin with, and I know many wont be able to travel to Lexington, rendering it even smaller. Those people are family, or considered family by me and B. We didn't include the obligatory bosses, or friends of parents, or co-workers. We made the decision to only include the people we believe have been and will always be there for us. That alone takes a load off my shoulders because I know, no matter what happens or goes wrong on the big day, we'll be supported in our little room filled with love!

I'd like to say I'll update again soon, but lets be real, I'll likely be back with a new last name!

New Year, Same Me

I was kind of indifferent to the end of 2014. Our baby grew and grew and I went back to work, but overall it was just another year passed. A great year, but a gone one.
I do, however, always get excited about the prospect of a new year. What will happen this year? What wont? Will I be the same person at years end? Will I make changes and stick with them?

I'm sure there are a lot of 'self' resolutions I could (and should) make. In fact I have, though I started on most of these several months ago.

• Eat better. Work out more. Cut back on wine (not get rid of it altogether, obvi). Go to church more. Learn new things. Read more. Get back to my hobbies. Make new friends. Tame my anxiety.

But the more important resolutions are the ones that affect the other people in my life.

• Be more present for Olive - ie. put down the cell phone. 
• Turn off the TV.
• Do new things together. Go out more. Explore.
• Be kinder. Judge less. 
• Be ok with telling people what you think, even if they may not like it or agree. Accept when they do not.
• Surprise B more. Work harder on our relationship.

Ollie with some of her Xmas loot.

I don't want to be a NEW me. I want to be a BETTER me. I've let my 'self' go since having a kid - something I think almost every mother does. And it's ok. You have to because there's just no time. And that little person is now more important then life itself. But now that shes less dependent on me, I get to take some of that back. Remember who I am. I like to binge watch cheesy teeny bopper shows and play video games. I like to work out in the evening and eat cheerios for dinner. I like to play on my computer all night. I love to read and write, and sew and create.

So the real resolution here is this: Find balance. Balance of being a mother, a worker, a spouse, a friend, myself.

Seems simple enough, right?